please draw the curtains, let the auditions begin
yes, take the centre of the stage and don’t miss your cue
hurry up now, make haste; let’s not waste my time
I want to see your skills for performance
so go on, read your lines!
stop mumbling and speak up!
now shut up and listen to me!
ok, it’s your turn again…
come on, humour me!!
there are no pauses, no silence
just constant clever banter
you must be prepared and on your mark
if you want to last in my theatre
why do you keep stumbling and mumbling?
I can’t stand awkward moments
my patience is wearing thin
so come on now: PERFORM!
clearly you haven’t learned your lines
did you even read my life’s script?!
I’ve spent so much energy and time
crafting the perfect story in my mind
and I’ll be damned if I let you
muck up these lines
I know your problem!
you’re not committed to the role
what did you just say?!
you’re committed to being yourself?!
that’s it, I’ve had enough!
your pathetic presence makes me sick
I want dialogue, not conversations!
I want entertainers, not friends!
so get off of my stage! go on now, be gone!
you’re wit is so dull, you don’t amuse me at all
yes, you heard me alright; do you want my final review?
well here you are, here’s the truth: you’re a terrible friend!
oh, stop your whining about true friendship
you can keep your insecurities to yourself
to hell with authenticity! you get no pity from me!
the truth is I’d turn the channel on your tears
but you’re not as enjoyable as my T.V.
you’re personality is too unstable, much too sloppy for my liking
I want Joey, I want Chandler, I want Rachel and the rest!
I want predictable situations and friends that fit the molds
I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want stimulants for my emotions!
next! come on, NEXT!
let the next actor appear!
don’t keep me waiting, I’m the director
and I’m getting lonely out here!