On Love

There is a curious and compelling mystery in love.  This mystery may appear to be a paradox.  To put it one way, really loving others is to love myself and really loving myself is to love others.  This reality is present in all deep friendships.  In the context of marriage, for instance, loving your spouse is to love yourself and loving yourself is to love your spouse.  In my personal experience, the longer I’ve been married to my wife, and the more our friendship has deepened, the more difficult it is for me to know where I end and where she begins.

Learning to participate in this Mystery is what we are made for, as people designed to share in the very nature of the personal, tri-une God.  This Mysterious Love is in fact the essential makeup of the Divine.


2 thoughts on “On Love

  1. On Love – I think it is the whole thing about putting the other first. When I put my husband first in things, it reminds me WHY I am doing it (love) and reminding myself that I am loving him, makes me FEEL more loving towards him, which is an interesting train to ride. I would think the opposite would be true too: I am going to TAKE this/DO this regardless of how my husband might feel about this because he is not worth it. The more those thoughts are emphasized, the more the relationship could go south I think.

    Also though, I am finding as a wife, giving place to my husband and putting him first is very humbling. I am realizing I haven’t done that as good as I thought I was doing this (someone handily pointed that out). I was kind of shook up about that. It has made me do a double take. Why do I NEED to be the star on the stage? Why do I want others to look at me, Me, ME rather than celebrate my husband telling the interesting story, the funny joke, the incident from last week? Why do I need to have folks listen to my version of how things are/were/should be rather than pointing folks to his wisdoms? I think this is the lesson I am learning and it is causing me to look inside of me for the attitudes that build our home and our relationship.

    1. Great thoughts, Sue!

      Marriage is a constant learning process that gets us thinking of these things. Like the work of refining diamonds, learning to give and receive love with a spouse involves a commitment to cleaning and refining and polishing who we are, in the best possible sense. But with persistence, we can end up with something beautiful. And we can end up more beautiful ourselves for committing to this.

      These things are true of all deep friendships. 🙂

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